It's been a while, but I'm back. Thanks for your patience. A lot of things have happened since I last posted.
DH has finally moved out, which was, to say the least, very traumatic. But it's done now and for the moment I can begin to heal. Although I never wanted him to move out, I wanted him to (sounds contradictory I know) because it was getting to the point where I would physically hurt every time I clapped eyes on him. I was stuck in limbo - I could neither move on or get some sort of closure. Him still being here also sent out huge mixed messages - "Sorry dear, I don't love you anymore, but despite making a few attempts to find a place of my own, I'm going to stay here and act like nothing's happened." It was very draining and it also started affecting my health and sanity, so something had to give. A fortnight ago on Wednesday, he moved in temporarily with his best friend.
It's been tough trying to adjust. It's almost like learning to walk again - it's a new routine, a new way of doing things. To say it was strange is an understatement, but, I'm slowly beginnning to come to terms with it. It doesn't stop me missing him like crazy - I still love him - and it's weird to find him not there in the morning, but right now there's nothing I can do about it, other than just get on with life and enjoy it the best I can. Fudge is being really clingy at the moment - I think he can sense that I'm still sad and upset, but also I know that he misses DH too. Fudge has started sleeping at the foot of the bed - this morning he was doing his impression of a furry six-pointed star, on his back purring and snorring at the same time!
I've started going to counselling and that has been a huge help. It's liberating to be able to sound off at someone who's totally neutral, who doesn't know your family and the baggage they carry around. My counsellor (Lizzie) is really great. Still, I'm worried about Husband, as I don't think he's properly talked to anybody about how he's doing or feeling. It's hard to guage, as nearly all my friends are mutual friends of his as well, so I don't know whether they're not telling me if he's talked to them because they think it might hurt my feelings or whether he's just not said anything. Hopefully I'll find out soon. If he doesn't face up to what's happened and try to mask how he's feeling by staying out every night or going to friends houses every night, not having total space and time on his own to reflect, it'll catch up with him sooner all later - and he'll crash and burn.
Meanwhile, to change the subject, I've started a new project, which I'm loving at the moment because it's so easy to stitch - I will take some photos over the weekend and post them so you can see. I'll leave you with piccies of Misty and Fudge.....
Here's Fudge hogging the bed.....
...and one of him ignorning me completely!.........
...and Misty being totally cute...awwww
Thanks for listening and thanks to you, my wonderful stitching friends, for making my blog worthwhile and for being brilliant. Take care xxxxxxx
7 comments:
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Carto. My husband did a similar thing in 1992 - he simply decided that marriage and kids were not his thing & no amount of my loving him would influence any decisions he made. He simply left! With 4 small fry aged 4 to 11 years, I was devastated. 14 years on I am happily married to a wonderful man, the crown princess has just turned 25 and every now and again I pinch myself just to make sure life is real.
Look after yourself, don't worry about him. He's worrying about himself too, so you need your energies for you. Keep going to counselling. It really does help.
Make new friends, take up new hobbies/studies. Be busy.
Big hugs,
Bliss
Aren't cats just the best? They always when know when times are tough and when you need a little extra lovin' and are always there to give it. Misty and Fudge are so sweet, what beautiful kitties.
I can't wait to see what new project you are working on and I am glad you are back blogging, I missed you. Ann.
Well, the first comment on this post is exactly what I'm hoping for you. And I think that Husband is very much thinking of his own self actually, so much that I don't think he needs/deserves one single thought of yours.
Now that he's gone, you will be able to continue and build something.
I am relieved that you're seeing someone for counseling, it will be a great help for you to accept the situation and move on!
Now, you have to stop loving him. Not that simple, but it generally starts with hate for all the pain he's causing. The problem being that some people never go beyond that point and waste their life hating the ex, instead of loving someone else who truly deserves it...
Well, all I want to say is that you're in my thoughts, and that I HOPE things will clear out for you and the sun will shine. It can happen sooner than you think.
Lots of hugs to cheer you up, Heidi.
I'm so glad to hear that things are moving in the right direction. I think it's like what they tell you when they give you emergency oxygen instructions before the airplane takes off, "put your mask on before helping others". Get yourself in order before helping out ex-DH, which it sounds like you're doing.
I didn't know you had *kitties*!!! I (and Itchey and Abner) never meant to slight Misty in any way addressing their card just to Fudge...please give her our apologies!!
(They're really good at ignoring when they want to!)
*hugs*
I know exactly what you mean about having to adjust your daily routine which has until now, focussed and centred around life with your husband. You will not be able to quicken the healing process, only time will do that. But just keep busy doing your stitching and enjoy time on your own to reflect and re-build, blended with time with friends and family to provide a level of stability and a new sense of "routine". This is your NEW LIFE, so embrace it, enjoy it and run with it! You know that I am saying this from the heart, with my own experience of the past 3 months still so raw and painful. Although my enforced separation was due to death, you are still going through a bereavement. Life has a wonderful habit of presenting new beauty when all you can perceive is pain. Believe in the promise of new possibilities ...... {{{Hugs}}} Ali xx
Heidi I have to agree with some of what Lili has said and it might sound harsh, but you have to stop worrying about husband now and how he's feeling and just think about yourself and Fudge.
It's emotionally draining to be thinking and wondering how he's coping, what he's doing every night, etc etc and your own thoughts and feelings are far more important for they are your future.
Things will get you down and you will get frustrated with things, I know I do and of course like Lili said, there will be a lot of hatred and some bitterness to start with, it's all part of the healing process.
Mine is still hatred and will be for a long time yet, because I do despise him and the way he and his mother expect me to drop everything when they demand. It's not something I will do and it gets my back up even more, each time they do it. I also feel pity for him.
Stay strong.
(((hugs)))
They look identical..well except for the colourings. :)
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