23 February 2007


I came across this song, quite a few years ago. It was written by Trent Reznor, the man behind the band 'Nine Inch Nails' and appeared on their album 'Downward Spiral'. Johnny Cash heard the song, loved it - and did an excellent cover of it. I've got a soft spot for Johnny, as my 'Da', God rest his soul, was a huge fan and had all his albums. Now I prefer this cover to the original - and whenever I hear Johnny's gravel-filled voice, it reminds me of my wonderful Father.

Over the last 8 months since the split, I've thought a lot about my him and what he would have made of all this. I've never stopped thinking about and missing him since he died - I don't think you ever do when you've lost a parent (or any family member for that matter). When I've been feeling down, I've thought about his smile and his infectious laugh - I would do anything to bring him back. This is for you, my lovely Da xx

20 February 2007

Debilitating or Liberating?


Yes, that was the question posed to me today by one of my work colleagues. I don't quite know how we got on to the subject - it was quite surreal. One minute she was asking me how to use Microsoft Visio and the next minute, she was asking "How have you been since xx left?"

I must say I had to really put my thinking cap on for a response. I've reached a point now where I don't even think about it - I get up in the morning, go to work, come back home in the evening and chill - it hadn't even crossed my mind until that moment. But thinking about the past 8 months and how I've been since it all happened has made me realise that it's actually been quite a liberating experience!

Now before everyone thinks "Oooh what a heartless old hag", I'm not saying that I've been devoid of all feeling. On the whole it's been a very said and painful process to go through. Sometimes an old picture or even a smell can bring back a good memory about how good things used to be and before you know it, I'm reaching for the tissues. But out of all the well meaning advice I've been given (the worst being, 'Cheer up, it may never happen!' - aarrrggh!), the best one was 'focus on your family, your friends and be thankful for what you have'. In fact, it's been the best advice I've ever had. I've put this into practice and here are some fab things that I focus on:-
  1. If I want to lounge about at the weekend in just my pyjamas and my fluffy bunny socks, I can do so to my hearts content.
  2. I can look at what I want to on the telly, without being harangued into changing the channel.
  3. I don't have to 'queue' to use the computer anymore.
  4. The 'Smelly Sock Mountain' at the end of the bed is now a thing of the past.
  5. When I choose a CD to listen to, I can actually listen to it there and then, without having to organise an expedition to hunt it down because it's been put back in a completely different case.
  6. The bathroom now resembles a haven of peace and tranquility, not some grotty hole frequented by 'Wee John Poo-Pong McHonk'!!
So to answer my colleagues question, all in all, things are very much tickety-boo! I've discovered that there is in fact, life after separation - Hurrah!!

Lots of love to you my fellow stitchers! xxxxx

13 February 2007

Blimey, where's January Gone??

Hi All

Firstly, I just wanted to say thanks to every single one of you for your kind comments and good wishes and I'm so sorry for not answering them personally - I will get round to posting on your blogs tonight. Secondly, I just wanted to let you all know that I'm back and I've missed you all terribly.

Ma is doing fine and she's back to her old self. She's still 'not out of the woods' yet, but she's a lot better than she was. We went back to the hospital on 25th January only to discover that she should have been given some medication when she was discharged, but they forgot. Well, I won't tell you exactly what I said because it might offend, but as you can imagine, I was absolutely livid, in fact I was incandescent with rage. Ma said afterwards that I looked quite scary!

Anyway, on a lighter note, I went to see 'The Rocky Horror Show' at the Royal Centre here in Nottingham on 1st Feb, which was an absolute hoot! I've been to see the show over the years a few times, but it was great to sing the songs and do the actions. Then on 2nd February, I celebrated my 36th birthday with my Sis and Bro-in-Law. For my birthday present, they took me to an excellent Japanese restaurant, just on the outskirts of Nottingham centre. They thought it appropriate, being as I'm studying Aikido. Speaking of which, my yellow belt grading is now taking place on Wednesday 28th February at the Dojo. It should have taken place at the end of January but because of what happened, I couldn't make it. I went training last night, and my Sensei quite confidently said 'You'll walk it!' - well if he says I'm good enough, then that's good enough for me!!

Anyway, enough waffling. Thanks to you all again for thinking about me over the last couple of weeks. You all make this blog worthwhile - bless your hearts! I'll be posting as normal from now on, but I'm not saying that too loudly in case something else happens! Bigs hugs xxxx